daydream

when i was driving to arabica today (which just might be my favorite coffeeshop so far), the college radio station, in all its randomness, played the entire amelie/yann tiersen soundtrack.

i'm experiencing a craving for soul food. from detroit. yum.

cicadas, crickets, and other creatures

after dinner last night, i took a walk around the block to see what was in the neighborhood. my upstairs neighbor, julia, took a walk every evening and so i was inspired to do the same. she wrote about how walking a minute in each direction brings you to a completely different world. it's crazy! -- sometimes, cities can be so strange. we're right at the crossroads of the richer/poorer, the natural/the developed. i took a walk in the natural/rich direction today and found myself walking through a canopy of trees to the rhythmic chirping of crickets and cicadas, i think? we sleep with our windows open at night and that's usually what lulls me to sleep. it's a nice change from the observatory/geddes intersection in AA. i lived in two different apartment buildings on the same intersection my 3rd + 4th year of school... we were so close that when busses rested at the stoplight, the long wavelengths from the engines would rattle my windows. or, this last year, sarah and i would overhear conversations (and breakups) between carousing underclassmen.

that area was pretty heavily wooded, and the smell of the trees reminded me of when i attended a ymca camp when i was little. that was fun, but awkward. i remember hiking through the woods and playing running games in these random clearings. the camp counselors led us in horrible camp songs, and they mispronounced my last name because i was the only asian kid. anyway, the sounds + smells also reminded me of last summer, when i was TA for a bay ecology course at nerd camp. i learned how to identify fish found in brackish + fresh water, and some birds and insect larvae. it would be fun to be a birdwatcher. maybe i can pick up a new hobby?

from a historian

"If a mere absurdity could make its way out of a little fishing village in Galilee, and spread through the whole civilized world; if men are so pitiably silly, that in an age of great mental activity their strongest thinkers should have sunk under an absorption of fear and folly, should have allowed it to absorb into itself whatever of heroism, of devotion, self-sacrifice, and moral nobleness there was among them; surely there were nothing better for a wise man than to make the best of his time, and to crowd what enjoyment he can find into it, sheltering himself in a very disdainful Pyrrhonism from all care for mankind, or for their opinions. For what better test of truth have we than the ablest men's acceptance of it; and if the ablest men eighteen centuries ago deliberately accepted what is now too absurd to reason upon, what right have we to hope that with the same natures, the same passions, the same understandings, no better proof against deception, we, like they, are not entangled in what, at the close of another era, shall seem again ridiculous?

...

[Discusses Socrates, Plato, Aristotle... and then, with beautiful, flourishing language, discusses the philosophy of Christianity: creation (the pure and lovely), fall (death and decay), redemption (Christ entered... "in the form (so to speak) of a new organic cell..."; His death; His resurrection;)]

...

And such, I believe to have been the central idea of the beautiful creed, which, for 1800 years, has tuned the heart and formed the mind of the noblest of mankind. From this centre it radiated out and spread, as time went on, into the full circle of human activity, flinging its own philosophy and its own peculiar grace over the common detail of the common life of all of us.... We lie down and seem to decay--to decay--but not at all. Our natural body decays, the last remains of which we have inherited from Adam, but the spiritual body, that glorified substance which has made our life, and is our real body as we are in Christ, that can never decay, but passes off into the kingdom which is prepared for it; that other world where there is no sin, and God is all in all! Such is the Philosophy of Christianity."

--written in 1851: "The Philosophy of Christianity" by historian James Anthony Froude (Oxford Book of Essays)

dear diary

whenever i clean out anything, i spend more time looking/reading/remembering (which always leads to me looking up other old pictures, journal entries, etc.) than making any actual progress. as i was preparing for the big move last week, i ended up cleaning out my top clothing drawer, closet, and nightstand/shelf, which have never been organized. i shove things in and they never come out. i found junky accessories from the 90s, letters + notebooks from middle school, old soccer jerseys... and these two articles on asian am. that lizzo gave me to read 3 years ago. (this is probably the 5th time i've found them, either at home or in ann arbor.) i sat around, taking in the amount of work i had to do, which is what i usually do when i'm overwhelmed. as i was emptying one of my shelves, i found my journal (again) from elementary school. i read it aloud to my mom, and we had shared a good laugh. some of these entries are hilarious... i can't remember really being that self-confident. here are a few of the entries:
______________________________________________________________
1st grade

2/18/91: today i went to irnaqoyt [irondequoit] mall. that was fun. mommy bougt glass cups glass bolws and plats.

4/8/91 [ice storm]: today there was no elaktriaty so stay home! put on sockes and slipers if you don't have slipers esay! jest ware socks! okay.

2nd grade

11/2/91: this morning i went to saturday school [chinese school]. i was doing a test. we had lunch a i didn't feel like eating we went to send back the ford turus car. we went to macy's to shop. we ate at swiss chlot. i had chiken dinner. we started home. i brushed my teath and went to sleep.

3rd grade (entries in terrible cursive)

2/12/94: Boy, I haven't wrote in my diary. I'm in third grade. I know what I'm doing.

7/24/94: [in big block letters] PERSONAL! PERSONAL! NO ONE!
Today we were late for the Youth Mission Choir. I felt terrible today. 1. I didn't know Jennifer*. 2. I didn't know she was staying at Charissa's* house. I'm switching pencils. At first I said I didn't know Jennifer. I was determined to make friends with Jen. But guess what. She was talking with Charissa, Amy*, and Lydia! (Well, I didn't know she was staying there!) And they were talking about someone I didn't know. I got mad, didn't cry but almost did. Jennifer was not listening! I said "Hi" She walked off. I said, "Bye". Nothing--see what I mean! I cried when I got on the car. I talked to Mom about this. I felt really good after that. I talked about having courage to speak up.

5th grade

10/10/95: Wow! I haven't written! I read through this little diary, and I can't believe I was that small! I love to write, now. Mr. Fromm's class is so neat. But the class isn't. They need to grow up. Tomorrow is Picture Day. I think I would look better with thick long hair. I did a lot today! I'm in Book 7. Bye!

3/10/96: Another week. One day my brain didn't function, probably from square dancing [with boys]. On Thursday, the teachers got locked in the lounge! It was fantastic! Teachers crawled out a little hole. Not Mrs. Nothanagle! [she was a...fuller woman.]

3/26/96 (my 11th birthday): Today has been good and bad. I couldn't fall asleep last night, I was late, I lost my glasses (they were in the van). I could barely read the notes at orchestra. Good: Mike talked to me (just to ask who was playing), I signed up for kickball, I got a book, tonight was good, and we won intramurals!

5/13/96: Boy, I haven't written. Everytime I go to Mrs. Hubes, I get mad, and somebody gets hurt. I hate that. We won the championships! We lost in kickball.

[list of people i had a crush on, in order top-bottom]

Oh yeah. Kristy and Jake were talking about whether who they would take out for a lunch date. Jake said me! I said I was going to throw up.