dear diary

whenever i clean out anything, i spend more time looking/reading/remembering (which always leads to me looking up other old pictures, journal entries, etc.) than making any actual progress. as i was preparing for the big move last week, i ended up cleaning out my top clothing drawer, closet, and nightstand/shelf, which have never been organized. i shove things in and they never come out. i found junky accessories from the 90s, letters + notebooks from middle school, old soccer jerseys... and these two articles on asian am. that lizzo gave me to read 3 years ago. (this is probably the 5th time i've found them, either at home or in ann arbor.) i sat around, taking in the amount of work i had to do, which is what i usually do when i'm overwhelmed. as i was emptying one of my shelves, i found my journal (again) from elementary school. i read it aloud to my mom, and we had shared a good laugh. some of these entries are hilarious... i can't remember really being that self-confident. here are a few of the entries:
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1st grade

2/18/91: today i went to irnaqoyt [irondequoit] mall. that was fun. mommy bougt glass cups glass bolws and plats.

4/8/91 [ice storm]: today there was no elaktriaty so stay home! put on sockes and slipers if you don't have slipers esay! jest ware socks! okay.

2nd grade

11/2/91: this morning i went to saturday school [chinese school]. i was doing a test. we had lunch a i didn't feel like eating we went to send back the ford turus car. we went to macy's to shop. we ate at swiss chlot. i had chiken dinner. we started home. i brushed my teath and went to sleep.

3rd grade (entries in terrible cursive)

2/12/94: Boy, I haven't wrote in my diary. I'm in third grade. I know what I'm doing.

7/24/94: [in big block letters] PERSONAL! PERSONAL! NO ONE!
Today we were late for the Youth Mission Choir. I felt terrible today. 1. I didn't know Jennifer*. 2. I didn't know she was staying at Charissa's* house. I'm switching pencils. At first I said I didn't know Jennifer. I was determined to make friends with Jen. But guess what. She was talking with Charissa, Amy*, and Lydia! (Well, I didn't know she was staying there!) And they were talking about someone I didn't know. I got mad, didn't cry but almost did. Jennifer was not listening! I said "Hi" She walked off. I said, "Bye". Nothing--see what I mean! I cried when I got on the car. I talked to Mom about this. I felt really good after that. I talked about having courage to speak up.

5th grade

10/10/95: Wow! I haven't written! I read through this little diary, and I can't believe I was that small! I love to write, now. Mr. Fromm's class is so neat. But the class isn't. They need to grow up. Tomorrow is Picture Day. I think I would look better with thick long hair. I did a lot today! I'm in Book 7. Bye!

3/10/96: Another week. One day my brain didn't function, probably from square dancing [with boys]. On Thursday, the teachers got locked in the lounge! It was fantastic! Teachers crawled out a little hole. Not Mrs. Nothanagle! [she was a...fuller woman.]

3/26/96 (my 11th birthday): Today has been good and bad. I couldn't fall asleep last night, I was late, I lost my glasses (they were in the van). I could barely read the notes at orchestra. Good: Mike talked to me (just to ask who was playing), I signed up for kickball, I got a book, tonight was good, and we won intramurals!

5/13/96: Boy, I haven't written. Everytime I go to Mrs. Hubes, I get mad, and somebody gets hurt. I hate that. We won the championships! We lost in kickball.

[list of people i had a crush on, in order top-bottom]

Oh yeah. Kristy and Jake were talking about whether who they would take out for a lunch date. Jake said me! I said I was going to throw up.