Monday, December 19, 2005

let's start from the new

Monday, December 19, 2005

*This should probably be one of the many entries that I write and immediately delete afterwards.

I finished my finals on Friday (with a biochem exam that I should've studied at least 30 hours for) to end another fall term early. I don't think I will ever have a schedule more horrible than last year's, which was 20pg paper due on the last day of class, the one study day that we get followed by 4 finals within two days (p-chem, physics240, history and japanese). I think that tired me out from school for winter semester, and with Yaghi's chem302 (brilliant guy, but way too "SP"), 9am-11pm+ mondays and wednesdays (without going home), three labs (one being 8-9 hours a week) and depressing February my work ethic died. Then, with already little motivation for genetics spring term, I got mono, which kicked off a 7-month-and-counting period of chronic illness (but it wasn't mono anymore-2 prescriptions for antibiotics in August) with a wisdom tooth operation (another prescription for antibiotics in August), $1000 in belongings lost, and a 2nd degree burn on my toe in between. Oh, and I fell off my bike, which meant 3 stitches and a CAT scan, totalling $741.

It's been hard waking up every morning with productive coughing, leaving class to blow my nose and continually feeling fatigued. I struggle in fighting against the hardening of my heart and rarely realize that God has given me so much grace (in health, with people) regardless of how stubborn I am. I can say that my worldview on the [fallenness of the] physical world, physical health has changed--esp. after taking Pastor Bob's sunday school class on gnosticism--but I still have a hard time trusting God with this whole thing.




In conclusion, I think I'm tired of biochem.



Currently Watching
Arrested Development - Season One
By Arrested Development
see related
Arrested Development - cancelled FOX program, not the pop group of the 90s, oops. why must you love this show? because its dave collins' favorite.

thank you Phyllis for hours of entertainment. the show is brilliant for many, many reasons, but i can only write out two because everything else is incomplete. 1 - the character/quirk development of the bluth family are quickly formed because of good acting. 2 - to know the humor is to know the character, and there are more anecdotes to tell than one-liners. plus there is no death by over-quotation.


Sunday, December 18, 2005

PAC MAN BAD GUYS ON TAPE!

http://www.sun-tracker.net/public_upload/pacamajig.mov

*thanks to Grace Chen + her friend, who gave it to Crystal, and Mark for linking it on my xanga right away, haha


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

hahaha!

PAC MAN BAD GUYS! how i love the fishbowl during finals! i can't stop laughing. upon hearing a scream of despair, i turn around and there's a huge yellow pac man sprinting down the aisle yelling at the top of his lungs "AHH! AHHHHHH!" and a huge red pac man bad guy chasing him down going "awak awak awak awak awak!". all 300 or so people start laughing and clapping as they exit the bowl as the guys next to me look at each other and go "that was good. that was good."

heh heh, i never noticed that the fishbowl resembles a huge pac man game. oh, and i should mention that i associated all of this with jon chen, who was the original "PAC MAN BAD GUYS!" guy.

technology transfer (studying for history exam)

interesting fact: Xerox was the first to develop computer generated color graphics, mouse, and other computer-related innovation. but, other companies have since then surpassed them in development and growth using their inventions. xerox has been criticized by business historians for failing to profit from the many computer-related inventions at the Palo Alto Research Center. my dad, being an employee of xerox (now in patent material stuff, which i just found out about), used to tell me about some tech stuff/cool ideas yet i continued to index laser printers as a xerox's only area of development. i wonder, if they had capitalized on their ideas, how much more would they be better off now? it's a case study for bad technology transfer! sad.


in expectation

in the spirit of xanga-ing Christmas hymns and original Latin text (dorkus malorkus), here's an excerpt from O Come, O Come Emmanuel, which I heard played on the carillon the other day, interestingly enough.

1. O come, O come Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here,
Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel!

2. Oh, come, oh, come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai's height
In Ancient times once gave the law
In cloud, and majesty and awe.

7. O come desire of nations, bind
All peoples in one heart and mind;
Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease;
Fill the whole world with heaven's peace. yay.

Veni, veni Emmanuel,
Captivum solve Israel,
Qui gemit in exilio
Privatus Dei Filio.

Gaude, gaude! Emmanuel
nascetur pro te, Israel.

sigh, I wish I remembered more than case endings.

in hope

We'll walk hand in hand
We'll walk hand in hand
We'll walk hand in hand some day
Oh deep in my heart, I do believe
We shall overcome some day

3.

We shall all be free
We shall all be free
We shall all be free some day
[ thank You God that You've done it.]

6.

The whole wide world around
The whole wide world around
The whole wide world around some day

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

it's too late.

we're saying the wrong things about P2P networks, internet structure, zero-cost file sharing, empirical data for CD sales.

i don't want to give this presentation. it is "against my beliefs"--i don't want to protect the RIAA's interests; they don't need more money. we're missing the point, which is protecting innovation/ideas while maintaining the integrity of internet structure.

it's not about the grade. i don't care if we get a good grade, i just hate the fact that we turned out a bad idea from bad research. and it shouldn't be about me. there is integrity to be kept for the sake of innovation/idea itself...

some group projects are just terrible.


minutes later...

jchien: but i read some law review articles
jchien: about how file sharing could be a productive and efficient use of resources
jchien: how sharing in general is ideal for society
jchien: how the restriction of p2p technology is counter to what the copyright acts were originally intended to do

Monday, November 28, 2005

what do you do when your group project has spiraled downward into something you don't support?

my group's project in hist285 was originally about the digital music revolution and its effect on society, but after a few muddled instructions from our GSI, it turns out that the objective for the project is to submit a proposal to congress on the selected topic. of course, what better to address than the problem of illegal file sharing--our proposal is cleverly named the "no artist left behind" act.

what was supposed to be an act protecting both the structure of the internet and the artists themselves is (after very little group deliberation) now an act--supported by biased stats--that protects the fatcats of the recording industry association of america (RIAA). there's a reason why there was a class-action lawsuit... the record companies freaking monopolize the industry and give the artists a fraction of the earnings.

of course, illegal file-sharing and zero-cost downloading need to stop. however, there is no reason to fall back to feeding the monster without careful consideration of the future for technology and innovation. we must take another look at what shutting down peer-to-peer software does. what does this mean for the end-to-end structure of the internet, which allows for such programs to exist? CDs are great, i love my CDs, but MP3s, as a part of tech advancement and innovation, are the new media for transmitting music and ideas, just as the radio and phonograph were. we can't ignore MP3s or the structure of the internet, nor can we hurry into blind-banning programs and ideas. instead, we need to consider compulsory licensing and new copyright protecting formats--or else we'll destroy the internet and stop the exchange of ideas.



i don't know what to do. we've fallen too far to go back on our proposal... the most that i can do is subtly insert my own opinions during the presentation, but optimally, my group would be unified in our argument. we are so going to get torn apart during question and answer time. sigh. i don't believe in what i'm going to say. boo. boo to the RIAA and corporate radio.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Recap of the last of three Thanksgiving dinners I've had this week:

Thursday: in Rochester (NY) with my family. it was so much fun cooking with mom and brian in the kitchen! we're spoiled by wegmans. (e.g. we have freaking pomegranates.) it's insane how blessed we are looking at this list--we have fresh produce to eat and clean water to drink.

  • Aged cheddar cheese (made with Finger Lakes Champagne) from Wegmans with pears, pecans and dried cranberries
  • Oven-roasted seasoned asparagus wrapped in pan-fried bacon
  • Baked brie (thanks to Crystal for the recipe) wrapped in Wegmans phyllo with dried cranberries, chopped pecans, and mom's suggestion of sliced pear
  • Baked yams
  • Biscuits with cream cheese and fresh strawberries; roasted chestnuts and leftover attempt #1 banana bread
  • 12lb. turkey (Mom's really got it down)
  • Brian's bean casserole with onions, bacon, shallots over bread and cheese
  • his stuffing with tomato and celery
  • Campbell's heart attack gravy
  • Wegmans pumpkin pie; cranberry sauce with real cranberries

We ended the evening with the Pan family annual tradition of watching Home Alone and eating pumpkin pie. it just NEVER gets old. "Look whacha did, ya little JERK!"

International Justice Mission - http://www.ijm.org founded by Gary Haugen, author of "Good News About Injustice". Harvard Law, investigated the Rwandan genocide in 94

very rarely do I read my "voice of the martyrs" e-mail updates now because of laziness... but when I do, I am reminded of God's mission for justice and righteoussness around the world. but I shouldn't simply be reminded. this should be my life. (oh, how I wander.) His mission is the point of it all, isn't it? edit. i think one of the biggest things in my life that i struggle with is repentance. i'm still trying to understand it. that, and God's grace... i suppose that what i'm trying to say through all of this is that i want to repent of my apathy.

the juices in my brain are flowing. i think we have been self-centered when we (CCF) meet corporately. we are now in THE KINGDOM (rather than shaking off my own guilt and continue living my own way), and Christ has empowered us to bring the gospel to the lost both here and around the world. if preaching the Kingdom is the point, which is what Jesus calls us to, it should be the main focus of our large groups, our DPMs, and being mission-minded in small groups... spreading the vision of justice to those who enter into the Kingdom of God.

from that vision, under the Lordship of Christ, we can use our skills and future occupations to bring justice internationally: law, medicine, public health, even business and engineering.

when I think about God's mission, I feel that He has called me to go on staff with intervarsity. when thinking about the gifts that He's given me, I know they aren't in medicine or law, though I wish I had the brains (for a lack of a better word) to pursue those for more leverage in pursuing justice. yes, human rights advocacy law would be sweet. but I think my role should more be in the discipleship of students, bringing their vocation under the Lordship of Christ so that they (and I) can better serve the Kingdom.

for the "S" people: the following excerpt is from VOM, which is what originally got me thinking about vocation. and about corrupt systems. and justice. and human rights advocacy law. and about how jason chien may be pursuing that, which is sweet. oh, how pervasive sin has torn apart our world...

NIGERIA (Compass Direct)
The past four years have been a jumble of tears and pain for Ishaya Kpotun Shaba of Niger state in north central Nigeria. He has not set his eyes on his daughter, Saratu, since she was abducted in December 2001, at age 19 by extremists bent on converting and marrying her to a Muslim. When Shaba reported the kidnapping to the Maikunkele town police, officials showed no interest in rescuing his daughter. Instead, to Shaba's shock and disbelief, he was summoned to appear before an Islamic court in Minna on January 9, 2002. The Upper Area Court judge informed him in the summons his daughter had requested he allow her to "embrace the religion of her choice." Shaba showed up at court but never saw his daughter. Instead, the judge called him into his chambers and told him that his daughter was now a Muslim, therefore, he was summoned to an Islamic court. Later, he heard his daughter was forced to marry a Muslim man in Minna, the state capital. As in other Nigerian states where Islamic law has been imposed, Muslims insist they will not apply it to Christians who have found out just how painfully false that claim can be. Shariah helps government officials jail Christians without cause, limit their job prospects, remove their church buildings, and force their daughters to marry Muslims. In a state where the population is roughly divided between Muslims and Christians, Islamists have taken a deliberate stab at religious domination and largely succeeded.

Pray God will work a wonder of His love to comfort Shaba. Pray the Lord will give Saratu an extreme devotion to Jesus and she will continue strong in her faith and witness of His merciful love. Pray Nigerian Muslims will seek to learn more about Jesus.

HE-EY! you just got citric acid cycle in my eye!
a break from juggling papers and memorizing metabolic processes


I love the start of a new semester. Though I have to take 2-3 chem classes, I'm still pretty excited about my schedule:

Chem452: biochem II
Medchem410: principles of medicinal chemistry elective
Chem398: Independent Research

and either:
-Environ376: Environmental Ethics with super-awesome Prof. Rolf Bouma
-Environ302.002: Environment and Development: Dilemmas of Power and Place in a Global World (Asia, Africa, S.America)
hm, first semester without taking a language. how sad!

Phyllis is taking Bio102: Practical Botany for her natural sci req. "lab activites may include ...making medicinal salves". freaking sweet.

hopefully lab won't be as depressing as last year. then again, taking three labs concurrently for a total of 10-12 hours a week wasn't the greatest idea. Rdood and i were comiserating once about how taking 2-3 labs at one time drove us to our limits from being so tired all the time... his parents came down to Ann Arbor for a weekend and i flew home for a weekend. blah.

i've wanted to write about my fall semester since the 2nd week of school cause its so dern exciting. i love school--maybe not class itself but the learning and processing.

ACABS101: biblical hebrew. i was so happy to know that we'd be translating from the original biblical texts that i almost started crying. it happened again when we translated our first passage out of proverbs. there's something special in understanding the nuance of certain words and in seeing that the bible is truly poetic... it's a great work of literature for sure. but on top of that, it's knowing that this is what God's people have given to their children by generation, that by knowing His law, we know Him... everybody take hebrew!

p.s., our classroom is next to the carillon. the halloween set was great--addams family, phantom of the opera, hall of the mountain king, beethoven. occasionally we hear bach's partita no. 3. and then i feel like crying again.

p.s.s. my professor is the former linebacker for florida state.

LING370: language and discrimination. so many of my ideologies have changed that i don't think that i have to write about it. when your worldview is challenged and edited, your values and behaviors will reflect it. if you get a chance, take this course--it counts for race and ethnicity. too bad milroy isn't teaching it anymore.

HIST285: history of modern science for environ minor. not one of my favorites, but at least i have interesting anecdotes now.

CHEM451: ah, biochem. one of the best parts about it is the cd exchange club that we're going to have--i'm listening to rob's mix right now, in fact. (haha, the cd label is a picture of someone with bandaids and bruises on its face, allusion to when i fell off my bike last week) i'm enjoying biochem much more now that i'm actually taking it. it's taken 2 years of prereqs to get here even after getting credit for 5 of them. ha, my awesome non-applied, basic science that won't have any practical use (re:career) in my future.


Favorite UM classes:
Chem215/216HH:
SUPERORGO!/Prof. Coppola http://www.umich.edu/~chemh215/W04HTML/SSG2/index.htm
http://www.umich.edu/%7Echemh215/W04HTML/SSG2/ssg5/index.htm
German242: Faust (in place of great books 2)/Prof. Amrine
Hist266: 20th Century American Wars as a Social and Personal Experience/Prof.
Marwil

Thursday, November 10, 2005

tim almost wrote endeavor
as we were writing our discipleship e-mail, tim wrote "join us in our endeavor", which was immediately vetoed, which was then immediately changed to "quest", which was again immediately vetoed. and now i have ruined his reputation. and now tim has hacked his way into my xanga account and has started messing with my xanga post. i think that tim is the coolest dude around and he's definitely fun to be with. bwahahahahahahahaha trogdor strikes again!

people are gone
it's now been close to month since sarah graham has left for senegal. for 10 months. another dear friend that i won't see face to face--or even call--for about a year... ha, another lover of cultural anthropology, in fact--oh how i also miss aileen. e-mails and aim remove us from the contact that we need.

andrea bachman left about two weeks ago to spend a year with americorp down in the katrina-affected area. my mind can't realize the fact that i won't be able to sit down and catch up with her anymore.

and the fishbowl--it's just weird without liz lin and leslie chen. when i went for the first time this year, i felt funny because wait, no liz lin?! and whaaat, no LESLIE?! i feel alone every time i go, which isn't often. haha.

i feel like paul--i long to see my friends! but the comfort is that we are bound by something greater that transcends distance.

alternative spring break
I just found out that I'm going to New Orleans (Habitat for Humanity) next spring! The issue that we'll be addressing is Environment. sweet sassy molassy.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

how can you hear news of inexplicable joy and within the next half hour hear of deep brokenness?

how can you reconcile that?

good thing the world isn't the black and white we'd easily think it to be. it's such a paradox--there is obviously so much "good", and curiously, so much "bad", which can be, and is, reconciled through bearing both a likeness to God and a fallenness from sin (a systemic sin that affects the whole of creation). it is true that every good and perfect gift comes from above--that which both fulfill hopes and births new ones. brokenness cannot take away our precious joy if we have surrendered it to Christ--instead, it can only propel us to worship Him saying "'come Lord Jesus, come!' you reconcile all things in heaven and in earth back to yourself--we wait for the day when this healing is complete." so we push aside the temptation to believe that He has dealt us, you, me suffering and instead recognize, strangely amidst the pain and self-ishness, that we have more hope in knowing that there will be more joy coming to fruition.

a part of our gladness comes from this blessed community. thank God for the people in our lives with whom we have conversations about spiritual matters and the Good News (because oh Christians--may we never forget!). too often do we think that fallenness is only a personal thing--never the case--that "nah, i'm going to deal with it as an individual" and tra-la-la-la, therefore sink deeper into a burden. ah, together we realize that we share a great hope as we continue to sharpen each other in running the race. good and perfect gift indeed.

...and watch crash.

Friday, October 14, 2005

(~3 weeks ago)

[00:07] mit tim: oh Joyce
[00:08] mit tim: how did we fall in love without knowing it

Monday, October 10, 2005

Who doesn't love Myers-Briggs? I took the official assessment over the summer at SLT and lo, I am (as always), the aloof and "there's always room for improvement" INTJ. ("NTs rule the world"--Jeff Liou) This is from laura's xanga:


Introverted Intuition Thinking Judging


To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.


INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.


INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.


In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences [social and natural] and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.


Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.


This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.


Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.




I think I'm becoming more P and slowly more F, but my introversion and intuition dominate my personality. but still... down with small talk and flirtation!
Monday, October 10, 2005


Currently Listening
Soul Adventurer
By Bambu
see related

Life? a little bit:

  • Paul Rusesabagina (not Don Cheadle) "of" Hotel Rwanda is coming to UM to speak tomorrow night at the Power Center, 7pm. other notable speakers this month are Bill Gates and Al Gore
  • I'm enjoying my bimonthly informal discipleship with Christina, theological/life discussion dinners with Shalako and Team Dan Walter, accountability with Crystal and discipleship with Lisa the I have a baby ninja Liou
  • tim-time!
  • Pastor Bob from Knox is so cool--I went to the Q&A follow-up today and we ended up talking for an hour and a half about many, many things. Although, when I'm talking to the ever-so articulate and thoughtful like Pastor Bob and Shalako (also INTJs?) I tend to either lose my train of thought while speaking or multi-task by thinking while listening. I wonder why that is.
  • Rufus Wainwright--the boy can sing. I went to my first non-U concert--for the first time since Guster with Aileen >2 years ago--with Juline, Alice, Brigid and Lisa for J's birthday.
  • ex-roommate Jenny, who still lives within 7 yards of me, turned 21! HEY JENNY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
  • I love my East Quad small group TRANSFORMERS: more than meets the eye headed up by Enid and Eric Chen. We're making Emma have an "uncool" small group name, bwaha. Seriously though, the bible study is quality, the stories hilarious and the community endearing (Jon Chen rides a moped into a mountain in Taiwan??!). I <3>sophia, sky, mike shi, melissa, and jeff. We're quite diverse--NYers, fake Rochester, Troy, New Orleans, Taiwan, Pennsylvania
  • Apparently, I'm the only Biochemistry major and Program in the Environment (PiTE) minor in the ENTIRE University of Michigan.
  • I'm missing home just a tad... Sheau-Yan and her words (gosheauer) and will I ever see Aileen face to face?
  • Large Group announcements team is freaking hilarious.
  • Motel 6 #3 is always fun with farrah and phyllis. oh farrah and phyllis...
  • I love serving with core.
  • As I rest in the Lord, life continues to be full and joyful.
Monday, October 03, 2005

Currently Listening
Extraordinary Machine
By Fiona Apple
see related

What is significant about the TIM barrel, the world's most common protein fold? (Triose phosphate IsoMerase)

"The side chains that point inward from the alpha helices INTERDIGITATE with the side chains that point outward from the beta strands" (Voet: 253)

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